She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
