I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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