I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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