i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
