We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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