i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
