would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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