Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
