I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
