8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
