If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
