White coat. Heels.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
