just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
