Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
