This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
