Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
