Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
