My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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