why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
