I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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