I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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