you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize