I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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