He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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