The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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