Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
