Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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