There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
