I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
