am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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