how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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