You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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