to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
