Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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