i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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