so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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