He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
