She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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