Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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