When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i will never coherently bang her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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