Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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