i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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