Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
