Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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