Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
