pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
