I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
