My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found puke in my bra..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
