Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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