We won't sleep together?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
