Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize