DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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