I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
