party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
