you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
