Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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