It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
