I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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