whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
