Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
