Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
