You're so nebulous sometimes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
