I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
