How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
