I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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