Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
