youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
