And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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