found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
