I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
